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A veritable 'meat wave' is hitting the Brown campus as anticipation mounts for the first annual Ivy Sausage Fest, to be held next weekend. From bratwurst to kielbasa, the excitement is palpable among students who can hardly contain their desire to fit long tubes of hot beef in their expectant mouths.
However, enthusiasm for the event was not always so great. When the Brown Meat Appreciation Society (BMAS) first released news of the Sausage Fest, it was met with mixed, often confused reactions. "Wait.what?" responded John Boyle '13. David Spade '11, president of BMAS, claims that this less than spirited response was due to gross public misconceptions. "I was a little surprised to find that most people simply did not understand. You see, a sausage is a culinary dish involving the stomach lining of an animal packed with all the portions of said animal that were rejected by respectable society." Spade continued to expound on the historical significance of the sausage. "Some scholars insist that sausage is the single greatest contribution of the German nation, along with sexual perversion."
The Brown Vegan Group (BVG) was quick to come out against the BMAS's plans for the sausage summit. BVG spokesperson, Rain Blanket '10, called the event "a, like, vicious imperialist attack on, like, nature, man." Spade refused to take such allegations seriously, though, labeling this aggressive language as "mere wiener envy".
The larger, carnivorous portion of the Brown community has become increasingly excited for the festival over the past several weeks, especially after specific details were released concerning what the convention will feature. There will be forums and lectures, including the much-anticipated "Cocktail Wieners and Cultural Hegemony in 1970s Indonesia", as well as a slew of fun games. "Just wait 'til they get a load of 'Hide the Salami,'" commented Spade. The festival will also feature many booths serving the famous dish, organized by culture and nationality. Said Cecil Jones '12, "I'm pretty stoked for the booths. I bet I know which country has the biggest. That's right, the Basque table. Hey-oh!"
The BMAS reportedly became worried last week when other events were scheduled on the Brown calendar for the same weekend. Some expressed concern that such events as Hillel's "Dirty Pillow Party" and Tech House's "Hunt for Chocolate Treasure" would pull crowds away, not to mention the highly anticipated "Tang Fest", led by BMAS rival Alexander Poon '11. Spade, however, remains calm. "I assume people will be coming and going from all these events throughout the weekend. Frankly, I think Tang and Sausage would go well together.in my mouth, that is."
Spade also is confident of the event's success, due to the alleged extensive scope of the festival itself. Claimed Spade, "Oh, we're going to be up our asses with wieners."
