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According to eye-witness reports, Sean Thomas '12 used a spoon to scrape the chocolate frosting off his Vernon-Woolley birthday cake last Friday. Thomas then ravaged the confection of all of its succulent, moist coating without touching a single bite of the spongy cake.
Thomas' preferential treatment of frosting earned him contempt from many fellow diners. "People who treat cake like Sean does just don't deserve to eat," said an onlooker who wished to remain anonymous.
Pressed to explain his actions, Thomas stood on the table and began an impassioned speech, in which he declaimed cake to be "naught but a caloric vessel for the sauce of the gods."
"It is the Cheerio bits in your Lucky Charms marshmallows, the Attack of the Clones of the Star Wars series, the friendly chit-chat stage of a hook up," Thomas continued. "Search your feelings, V-Dub patrons. You know it to be true. Without frosting, cake is just a muffin!"
Upon triumphantly returning to his seat, Thomas realized that the rest of his table had left to go make waffles.
