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Back in November, biology concentrator Thomas Rawling '09 needed a miracle to help him balance a spring schedule that included two lab courses and an independent study on human psychoses. When he discovered "UNIV0640: Introduction to Video Games" on a late-night Banner browsing session, Rawling thought he'd found just the thing.
"How did I not see this before?" Rawling recalls musing to himself as he "registered the shit out of that class." He found it odd that the course had not immediately been filled by seniors the day before, but he decided that fate was finally cutting him a break.
He was mistaken.
Rawling now finds himself in the basement of Barus and Holley every day from 6 PM until at least midnight under the tutelage of Visiting Professor Michael Houseplant, whom Rawling describes as "brilliant but cruel.a master of the craft who demands absolute perfection." Houseplant's requirement for the class is simple enough-best him at a single game over the course of the entire semester, and pass.
"Every day a new game, every day endless defeat," Rawling said, visibly shaken. "Halo, Street Fighter, Tetris, Guitar Hero, Goldeneye, Pong. All that and I haven't even come close. Once I won the coin toss at the beginning of a game of Madden. I fell to my knees and begged him to let it count, and he just stood there, cold, expressionless, distant as ever."
Friends are concerned that what was originally intended as a gut course has completely dominated Rawling's life.
"He dropped two other classes just to keep up," explained Ingrid Michaels '09, Rawling's girlfriend of two years. "We almost never see each other anymore, and when we do, he spends the whole time reciting combos or strategies he learned in class. 'Triangle square square circle square up triangle' isn't exactly a turn-on." Though proven ineffective in the context of arousal, reports confirm that triangle square square circle square up triangle is well-suited for unleashing a devastating Thousand-Dragon Uppercut.
"I asked him why he doesn't just drop this nonsense instead of stuff that he needs for his major," Michaels continued. "He freaked out and started going on about how Professor Houseplant sees great potential in him, and if he drops there won't be anyone left and the guy will get fired."
"I asked Tom if I could come with him to class one day because they were doing Super Smash Brothers and I wanted some pointers," said David Friedman '09, Rawling's roommate. "He started screaming that Professor Houseplant closed the class to auditors to assist with the learning process. I got suspicious and headed over to Barus and Holley about quarter to six. They must have switched rooms, though, because there wasn't a TV in there or anything-just a dying houseplant. So. oh. Oh my god."
The registrar's office has yet to release information regarding the initial and current enrollment of UNIV0640 due to an apparent misplacement of records.
Professor Houseplant could not be reached for comment.
