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In a case that has left Brown Health Services confounded, Timothy Henderson'13, continues to lie sick in bed as he has done for days-yet no doctor will see him. The reason: daily consumption of apples.
"It all started about two weeks ago, when I first got sick," Henderson recalls. "My roommate Jared [Levy '13] started bringing me back meals from the Ratty everyday, because I was too weak to go. At first, I thought it was a nice gesture. I ate what he brought me without really thinking about it, because I trusted him. Specifically, I trusted him not to deceive me into eating apples everyday, which of course would prevent medical treatment of my ailment by doctors."
But Levy did deceive him into consuming apples daily. Red delicious. McIntosh. Granny smith. He was relentless. By the time Henderson caught on, it was already too late.
"I was biting into a Cortland apple when I thought, 'Wait, didn't I eat a Honeycrisp yesterday?' Then I thought 'Nah, I couldn't have eaten an apple yesterday because, knowing that I might need to see a doctor soon, Jared must realize that every other day is the most frequently that I or anyone else should really consume an apple.' And that's when it hit me: I had had the same thought yesterday."
With a manic glow in his eyes, Henderson continued. "It was all making sense now. Now I understood why even though I had been sick for quite some time, no doctors had been able to sense it and show up at my door. The signals were getting blocked! Sure enough, when I searched through my trash can, I found apple cores galore. There were apple cores from yesterday and from the day before yesterday. There were apple cores from all week and from most of last week. Hell, there were enough apple cores to start an apple core museum."
However, even the sizable proceeds Timothy Henderson now receives in admission ticket sales to his newly opened Apple Core Museum can't undo the damage that has already been done. No, not after nearly two weeks of daily apple intake. Despite being apple-free for a few days now Henderson suspects that his signals are still being blocked. An exclusive interview with Dr. Mark Arnofsky seemed to confirm Henderson's fears.
"No, actually I had no idea he was sick. I can't say I'm even familiar with the name Timothy Henderson. Has he called in to make an appointment?" Arnofsky said.
Only one question now remains: Why did Levy do it? We first turned to Henderson for answers.
"When I confronted him about it, he played coy. He would say things like 'What do you mean all these apples could be risky?' And that's when I realized I was dealing with a maniac. I think he wanted to keep me sick so that he could garner the sympathy of others by pretending like he was being a good roommate, always taking care of me. He loved bringing me my meals, taking notes for me in the classes I was missing, and trying to get me to schedule appointments with Health Services. Yup, he liked me sick because of the attention it got him, and he knew the only way to keep that going was to keep the doctors away."
Levy tells a different story. "Intentionally keeping him sick? Do you think I like having to deal with a bedridden roommate? And it's like he's not even trying to get better. He won't eat the food I bring him anymore, and he hasn't even tried making a doctor's appointment, insisting that it would be 'useless' to schedule one. Apples? Why do you keep bringing up the apples? My dad is a doctor! He eats apples all the time!"
Yeah, yeah, Jared. Save it for the jury.
