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Professor Timothy Saunders, preeminent Joycian scholar in the American academic community and a student favorite at Brown University, is now under investigation by the University for claiming that he's never actually read the book he is famous for studying. This development comes on the heels of the publishing of his newest book on Ulysses, entitled "James Joyce Wrote About Irish People."
The alleged revelation came to light during a recent lecture by Saunders on Joyce's use of "Irish stuff" in the novel. Student Bryant Fenmore '10 is said to have asked Professor Saunders to cite an instance in Ulysses in which Joyce "actually talks about an aspect of society that identifies the characters as Irish." Saunders offered as an example a passage in which Robert Langdon discovers that Da Vinci painted a woman in his famous Last Supper. Apparently Saunders did not realize the passage cited actually comes from Dan Brown's bestselling novel about Jesus doing Mary Magdalene. According to students present, when Fenmore tried to correct the professor, the situation got out of hand.
"Basically, I was like, Professor Saunders, there is no passage about a woman in the Last Supper painting in Ulysses," Fenmore told the Noser. "He got kind of defensive and then I think he realized he was wrong. All of a sudden he turned to the class and was just like, 'Son of a bitch. I've got to be honest, guys. I've never read any of this shit.' Everyone was just like, '....' I mean, hasn't he written like four books about Ulysses?"
When asked to comment on the incident, Saunders spoke at length about the development. "Yeah, I finally blew it. I've taught a pretty good class on Ulysses for about 20 years now. It started as a bet when I was doing my PhD and just got out of control. Before I knew it I was being published for writing books based solely on character descriptions on SparkNotes. It was one hell of a ride. But seriously, my only regret is that my undoing was a passage from The Da Vinci Code. Although to be honest, it's probably the only book I've read in the last five years, so I really had nothing else to reference. And I only read it because I saw the movie. I love Tom Hanks."
When asked how he was able to write four critically-acclaimed books on Ulysses and teach college-level classes about Joyce, Professor Saunders had this to offer: "Like I said before, I SparkNoted that shit. No seriously, straight up SparkNotes and Wikipedia. Wikipedia has some really deep stuff. And I read part of Dubliners in high school, so I had figured if I talked about James Joyce being Irish enough I would probably get by alright.
I also compensated by assigning a lot of reading in class and having the kids constantly write response papers. After awhile it was almost like I read it. But then again, I guess they didn't read it either. So it kind of worked out on both sides."
Added Saunders, "To be honest, I'm not so sure anybody's ever read it." At the time of this printing, the University has not offered any comment on the fate of Professor Saunders's career. When asked about his plans to stay at the university, Saunders said, "Oh I'm definitely staying. Tenure, bitch. That shit's for life."
