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Did you know there are homeless people? And animals are being killed? Genocide? What can you do about that? Something! That's right, DO SOMETHING! Does it matter what? Not really. Just do it!
Are you taking action right now? Well YOU SHOULD BE! Why are you even wasting time reading this article when you could be out doing something? Oh, that's right, you don't know what you should be doing. Well, I'll tell you:
Step 1: Pick a cause. What cause, you say? Are you serious? Who cares! It just has to have a feel-good ring to it, like "human rights" or "world peace." Heck, you could even make it up! No one has to know that the brown squirrel isn't an endangered species. Save our furry friends!
Step 2: Become an activist. What does that mean? Well, it means you call yourself an activist. You don't just hang with your friends, you have group actions! You need to find your natural high. That means you feel like you're high - all the time. Who needs drugs when you could be supporting immigration reform? Put down that joint and do some street theater! Are you masturbating right now? You know, you could be drawing a comic for a cause. What about you, you say? You really haven't caught on yet…
Step 3: DO SOMETHING! Start a podcast! Run a 5K! Put up posters! Start a club! Have you formed a gay-straight alliance yet? Shown ill kids they're heroes? Get on it! Write a poem! Blog! The Internet!
Step 4: Get other people to do something! Like what? Well, whatever you say! Will them giving you a blow job help your cause? Probably not. Hold a rally! And make sure you have a chant. Can you have fun without a catchy chant? I think not!
Now, you might say, is any of this actually accomplishing anything? Yes, it is. It's making you feel good about yourself. And because I'm getting you to go out and DO SOMETHING, it's making ME feel good about MYSELF. And that's all that matters, really.
Did you know there are more homeless animals than all the sand in the world? Me neither, but it sure sounds great! How about cancer? Did you know about that? It's a word, I think. Probably a noun. Anyway, better get out and DO SOMETHING about it!
