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Having once again rid the world of terrorists, evildoers, and freedom-haters, George Bush has reportedly returned to his quarters at the Fortress of Solitude following the inauguration of Barack Obama. While many have clamored for four or even eight more years of a Bush presidency, Bush has graciously stepped down, choosing instead to honor the laws of the country he has saved time and time again.
In a final press conference, former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino confirmed Bush's departure, saying, "Now that America is safe and prosperous once more, the president has decided to take some time off at his awesome super-secret base. We can all take consolation in the fact that before his exit, our leader ensured that all the terrorists were dead. As we all know, the Fortress has sophisticated communications technology, so we can rest assured that the president will be keeping tabs on America. If the time comes when this country needs a hero again, George Bush will be there for us."
As most Americans undoubtedly remember, the Bush presidency started inauspiciously, with many people confused about the president's apparent lack of leadership skills or syntax. However, less then a year into his presidency it was revealed that the blundering man often seen on television was in fact the alter ego of the most powerful being in the world.
One Metropolis resident said, "This was a leader with the power to do whatever he wanted, but he chose to use his gifts to protect us lowly humans. Whenever those glasses came off, you just knew he was going to save the day."
And save the day Bush did, as in the memorable incident when the president saved his trusty sidekick Dick Cheney from the clutches of the nefarious Saddam Hussein. Hussein is of course widely rumored to be the alter ego of Bush's arch-nemesis The Terrorizer, who the first President Bush also combated during his term as America's hero.
It is unclear what the president plans to do at the Fortress of Solitude, mainly because only he knows what is inside. "What do you do as a follow-up to saving the world?" wondered a citizen, one of millions whose lives have been undeniably changed for the better since Bush took office. "It's hard to have friends over because of how cold the ice crystals are. Maybe he has Playstation 3." Whatever the president does from here, the people of America will be eternally grateful to him, and in his eventual return he will be greeted as a liberator.
The question now on most people's minds is how Bush's successor will fare, especially having to follow such an adored and successful leader. As his critics are quick to point out, Obama has not stopped nuclear annihilation at the last second even once, and it is unclear if he even has an arch-nemesis yet.
Obama, who was unavailable for comment, was last seen speeding through Washington, D.C. in the Batmobile.
