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The Brown Noser

EA Games to Release Ruth Simmons Video Game, Entitled "The Simm"

Published Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Video game retailers around the country are gearing up for monumental crowds, as virtual entertainment powerhouse EA Games prepares for the release its most anticipated game to date. This Friday marks the launch of the much-awaited sequel to the popular video game series The Sims. The famous green crystal will now be upon Brown University President Ruth Simmons.

The Simm permits players to actually be the famed University president-meeting students, making decisions, and restructuring staff.

"This game is first real breakthrough in entertainment since Pong," screamed one of the thousands of Ruth enthusiasts camping outside a local store awaiting the game's release.

Nearly every electronics store around the country has become a meeting place for Ruth lovers, young and old alike.
One avid fan brushed away tears as he told <i>Brown Noser</i> reporters, "I feel like, for the first time in my life, I have found my true family."

Indeed, most fans do look like family, as many are dressed up in traditional Ruth garb. While many sport the robe-chic look that Ms. Simmons trademarked in the late 1990s, others take more creative approaches, including Ruth-at-the-Office, Ruth-Going-to-Bed and the ever-popular Ruth-at-the-Gym.

<i>The Simm</i> will include all the popular characters associated with the Brown University President. Players can do everything from coffee with Katherine Bergeron to writing Facebook posts on Warren Alpert's virtual wall. The game will also be released with a series of expansion packs, many of which have already received much anticipation. The most popular expansion pack, Hot Date, sold out in pre-sale eighteen seconds after its release.

While EA Games experts are working hard to foolproof the game for bugs and cheat codes, one Brown gamer already created the "Sydney Frank Cheat" which allows players to build unlimited real estate on campus. Another student beta tester reportedly tried to use the cheat, but found gameplay especially difficult since it also causes the screen to go blurry, affects mouse-eye coordination, and provides sudden urges to sleep with that girl you weren't so sure was good-looking earlier that day.

Simmons reportedly received over two million dollars for the deal, and had to spend 3 months with sensor equipment in a spandex suits with little yellow balls on it. There has been a movement among fans for a <i>Spandex Suit with Little Yellow Balls on It</i> expansion pack, although EA has yet to respond.

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