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It's often hard to get noticed as a freshman. You've just left high school, a relatively small and tight-knit community, and moved onto college, where you sometimes feel like just one of many similar fish in a gigantic ocean. However, Mark Robbins '13 never feels this way, because unlike most fish, he sports a voluminous and coarse moustache on his filtrum.
Asked to comment, Robbins was brief. "Are you impressed?"
The Noser is most definitely impressed, as is the entire student body as a whole. At the activities fair, Robbins expressed interest in many campus organizations, but none of them remembered to obtain his name for their sign-up sheets, as they were so thoroughly mesmerized by his lip forest. Badmaash has him down as "Vintage Burt Reynolds," Mock Trial has a listing for "Early '70s Pornography Aficionado," and Quiz Bowl simply put "Alex Trebek."
It's hard to walk around campus and find a student whose life hasn't already been touched by Robbins. Jeff Artemis '11 recalls his first encounter with The Robbins himself at the Ratty. "I was waiting in line at 'Tastes of the World', and I couldn't see the list of various pasta sauces that were available," Artemis remembers. "I asked the guy in front of me, and he spun around, and I couldn't even understand a word coming out of his mouth. I was so distracted. He looked like somebody's dad's yearbook photo. That guy could 'taste the world' on that thing for weeks after his meal, I can guarantee you."
Robbins has also made his presence known at various parties across campus. He was spotted at Sigma Chi last Friday night, with his arm around a freshman girl who had assumed he was a grad student, and was trying to obtain a "sick internship." Wednesday night, Robbins stopped by FishCo, and was not required to present an ID, instead being greeted by the words, "Don't worry about it! Come in, Mr. Burgundy!" A student from AEPi asked for an autograph last Saturday, and was heard yelling, "I can't believe I just met the bassist from Supertramp!" as he happily scampered away.
It appears, after just a cursory glance around campus, that Brown will truly never be the same after the arrival of this captivating new student. However, he may be breaking a few rules- the administration believes Robbins may have a car parked on campus. Either that, or "moustache ride" means something else entirely.
