A scene of unfathomable discomfort unfolded this past Wednesday as Jonathan Meadows '10 and Sarah Nussbaum '09 spotted each other on Thayer St. from a distance of no less than one and a half blocks. The events following this fateful sighting left participants and spectators alike in fits of embarrassment, self-consciousness, pity, and rage.
The already calamitous situation was only exacerbated by the fact that Meadows and Nussbaum had not seen each other since the previous Friday afternoon, leaving both pedestrians eager to share a medley of weekend escapades once they were in earshot of each other.
"I had never seen anything quite like it," said witness Ron Maloney '10. "It was kind of like watching bees try to communicate by dancing, except rather than telling each other where the nearest pollen was they were both saying 'I wish to God that somebody will just kill me now to end my misery.'"
Many bystanders expressed a similar sentiment to that of the figurative bees.
The mélange of ungainly reactions began with exaggerated gestures of surprise and delight. Meadows immediately put one hand over his mouth and side-smacked the air in front of him with the other while pronouncing "awwww snap" just audibly enough to cause people in his vicinity to turn their heads.
In rebuttal, Nussbaum grabbed the backs of her cheeks, threw her head back and shouted "O-M-G!!!" in a voice several octaves too high for a girl known to her friends and enemies as Jane Earl Jones.
These gestures alone would have been enough to put onlookers on edge, but they were merely the tip of the iceberg. The friends continued by alternately slowing their speeds to a crawl, then sprinting wildly no less than six times.
Like the mortals of ancient Greece who learned to fear the Gods by daily observing the agony of Prometheus, the audience on Thayer St. cringed again and again as the hope of a hasty reunion was repeatedly denied by the awkwardness of Meadows and Nussbaum.
Next came the nicknames. Still too distant to share stories of events that could not have mattered less, the pair resorted to chanting meaningless pseudonyms at a distance of roughly 20 meters. The procedure was made all the more ridiculous because of Nussbaum's uncannily mannish voice, which gave their diatribe the sound of a fraternity pledging event.
"Nussy! The Nusster! Nussmaster-Flex!," shouted Meadows, throwing his arms around in ridiculous ways all the while.
"Medds! Mea-donor! Mea-doe-a-deer!," replied Nussbaum in her creepy, low voice.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity chained to the rocks in Caucusus, the pair finally deemed themselves to be within talking distance. The following is the complete transcript of their conversation:
Nussbaum: "Hey, how was your weekend?"
Meadows: "Aw I don't even know I was so trashed. How about you?"
Nussbaum: "Haha. About the same."
Meadows: "Right on. I'll catch you later."
Nussbaum: "Bye Jon." ?

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