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Harvard University shocked the world on February 15 by officially entering into a pact with the Devil. Harvard, alma mater of numerous presidents and important figures alike, has certainly caused controversy in the past, but nothing quite like this.
The deal went into effect upon announcement of Dr. Drew G. Faust as the University's 28th president. A noted academic and historian, Dr. Faust has served as Founding Dean of the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study since 2001 and is Harvard's first female president. More importantly, however, Dr. Faust is also the University's first president who has sold her soul to the devil. This may come as a surprise to some, but no previous Harvard president has, on the record, sold his or her soul to the devil.
When asked about her presidency, Faust replied in tongues, "You imbecilic, vapid, doltish humans. Religion tells you that all is sin and that death is punishment for your sins. What doctrine call you this?"
Students have had mixed responses.
"I guess its cool. It's been a little warmer here and we haven't lost a basketball game since Faust got here," said freshman Jonathan Blankfein.
"We must free ourselves of this demon," replied Louisa Anne Williams '09.
The pact with the devil bumps Harvard up from tenth to third on the list of "Most Evil Institutions of All Time," behind the Axis of Evil and the Chamber of Commerce of Sodom and Gomorrah.
