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In the wake of the tragic cancellation of this year's rendition of Fiddler on the Roof, Brown Hillel narrowly managed to fulfill its annual culture quota by acquiring a bunch of art turned down by the Bell Gallery student show.
However, Hillel was unable to find enough crappy art to fill the space allotted for the "Rejected" exhibit and was forced to resort to drastic measures. Interspersed among the work of Brown's sub-par artists, the exhibit featured a small sample of the thousands of students who were rejected from our fine institution.
"Much like the students, a lot of the artists featured at this exhibit must have been kidding themselves when they applied to our gallery," said Jo-Ann Conklin, Director of the Bell Gallery.
Although none of the rejected students were available for comment due to the fact that they were caged in glass pens with minimal food and oxygen, Hillel Student President Yael Richardson '08 assured The Noser that no students were harmed when they were bound, gagged, and stolen from their homes under the cover of night.
The art itself featured a wide array of doodles, ink splotches, scribbles, chicken scratches, and tasteless nudity, but in the end, it was the students that evoked the most pity.
For example, Michael Brody from Englewood, NJ, achieved a feeble 2130 on his SATs and graduated with a paltry GPA of only 3.6. puhlease.
And despite Meagan Samson's strong test scores and vibrant extracurricular activities, she regrettably chose to write her admissions essay on her strong and open relationship with her Uncle Mark. Yawn.
Other students on display had failed to win positions in student government, never built hospitals in Ghana, or simply weren't descended from any alumni.
"Personally I loved the exhibit," said Eric Barth '09. "It just reminded me how smart, talented, and awesome I am!"
Barth added that just like every other Brown student, he had achieved straight As, scored a 2400 on his SATs, been the president of the student body as well as the editor of the newspaper, and, of course, built 3 hospitals, 2 schools, and a zoo in Sudan using only one hand.
Other students expressed similar pleasure in finally getting the chance to gloat over those who had fallen short where they had succeeded.
Amy Weathers '11, however, experienced a painfully awkward moment when she encountered her twin sister Georgia while perusing the exhibit at ADOCH.
"I just pretended I didn't see her," said Weathers.
Ultimately, one student left the show with a newfound respect for the subjectivity of artistic talent. "Sure, the art might have been bad in the opinion of some, but beauty, after all, is in the eye of the beholder. Intelligence, on the other hand, that's as clear-cut as night and day. Those kids were just plain idiots."
