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The Brown Noser

Housing Lottery First Pick Winners Choose LeBron James

Published Friday, April 23rd, 2010

With the first pick in the 2010 housing lottery, Outsourced has selected LeBron James 23 as their place of residence next year. Citing his size, athleticism, well-rounded skill set and ability to get teammates involved, group members claim the decision was an easy one.

"We feel that LeBron's unique combination of assets makes him the perfect fit for us, residentially." said group spokesman Bryan Russell '11.

"We kinda wanted high ceilings, because Bryan's a bit claustrophobic. And there's none higher than his as far as potential's concerned." commented fellow group member Greg Berman '11.

When asked about about a potential lack of living space, Berman quickly dismissed the question. "LeBron can play just about any position he wants. Whether it be forward, guard, bathroom, bedroom or common space, he does it all."

Tim Keefe '11 echoed his roommates' sentiments that the decision was an easy one. "Location was big for us. We wanted to be close to the Main Green, but one of the guys plays sports and wanted to be the near the OMAC too. We figured LeBron's speed and mobility on the court could allow all of us to live near where we wanted at the same time."

Student reaction to the pick has been mixed. While controversy still rages over the legitimacy of the contest's selection process, new concerns have arisen for the already scrutinized contest winners.

"We have evidence to believe that not only did Outsourced rig the vote with their candy-for-votes racket, but that they also made inappropriate contact with James, offering him candy prior to the lottery picks being awarded, in clear violation of both Res Life and NBA guidelines." said contest runner-up Conor Grogan '13.

Ohio resident Nathan Elder '13 was upset by the selection, but happy about the move's timing.

"We just need him for one more summer to get Cleveland its championship. After that, I'd much rather see him become someone's dorm space next year than sign with New York."

It remains unclear how James' residential duties will affect his status as an unrestricted free agent this summer. James was not available for comment as of press time.

James' selection still leaves many prime housing options available, including Young Orchard Apartments and Hegeman Hall, not to mention James' fellow Redeem Team member Carmelo Anthony.

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