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"I am green, and it'll do fine," Kermit the Frog told a crowded Salomon 101 Monday evening.
In a speech sponsored by the Brown Lecture Board, the former-Muppet-turned-international-
celebrity addressed the environmental community and others about the challenges of upholding environmental standards in today's fast-paced and often unforgiving economy.
The speech is the fourth in a series by the Lecture Board entitled "The Muppets Take Providence." Thus far, the series has featured Ms. Piggy's talk on sexual exploration with the FemSex classes, Sam the Eagle's address to the Brown Republicans about censorship and moral standards, and Animal's meeting with the Greek Council on maintaining the excitement of an evening without compromising a responsible alcohol policy.
"The challenges of environmentalism cannot be overlooked," explained Mr. The Frog. "Too often are earnest, hard-working environmentalists confused with lazy, Phish-loving pot heads. Too often do we try to maintain a sense of environmental stewardship in our fashion choices, only to find that our organic hemp underpants have left us chafed and unable to walk to the green market."
As his sanctimonious rambling continued, Mr. The Frog tackled such burdensome questions as "How to explain to a non-environmentalist that he's going to hell without admitting that you believe in God" and "Is it okay to drive under the influence as long as I do it in a Prius?"
Kermit also expressed a deep concern for the challenges associated with finding food that is organic, pesticide-free, preservative-free, vegan, raw, low-carbon footprint, and locally grown by Daoist monks from the foothills of Tibet. "Especially when you're too exhausted to bike to Whole Foods because you haven't had animal proteins in over a decade."
In general, the reactions to Mr. The Frog's speech were positive.
"I thought Kermit hit on some really key points tonight. I just don't know what he meant by all of that hemp underwear business," said Brown environmentalist Eric Werner '09 as he adjusted himself and proceeded to waddle away.
Others, however, were more disappointed. According to Brown Sustainable Food Initiative member Jenn Baumstein '08, "everybody knows that the most environmentally friendly Tibetan monks are the Buddhist ones. Those Daoist fuckers don't even wait until the full moon to pick during the harvest, which I read is very bad Chi."
In addition, Environmental Science Professor Steve Hamburg complained that the address regrettably neglected to mention the time he saved the world from certain doom by convincing Wal-Mart to start selling compact fluorescent lightbulbs. "I just thought I would get a little recognition is all," said Professor Hamburg during the question and answer session.
For the most part though, Mr. The Frog's speech was well received and the majority of the crowd could be seen exiting with smiles beaming on their dirty, unshaven faces.
As crazy hippie and devout EmPower member Yasmine Yu '10 put it, "Sure he may be a furry, amphibian puppet, but I mean, Al Gore was never on Sesame Street."
