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The Brown Noser

Local Man Sudoku Champion

Published Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Travis Lark is creating quite a stir in the local Sudoku community. Lark claims that he is an undefeated Sudoku-ist, Japanese for "Man with no Life." He solves about 20% of the puzzles he's been up against, especially the ones meant for smaller children.

"I have a unique intelligence for numbers, similar more to the precociousness of a child than to anything else," explains Lark. But what really makes Lark unique is his signature finishing move: digestion. Whenever Lark gets down to the wire
in a bitter struggle against the permutations of numerical patterns, he eats the newspaper.

Not everyone in the Sudoku community exactly agrees with his methods, however. Some think that his form trivializes the intellectual rigor of the game.

Asked to comment, former champion Mark Selezky responded: "Criticize Travis's methods? No no no.. One learns to not question what that guy does [Holds up hand with 3 fingers]. He gets his trophy, that's fine. We're safe now. He freakin' promised. Are you reading this Travis? You promised."

Rising to the top of the Sudoku community can be dizzying, nearly vomit-inducing. The newfound fame has even had an effect on Travis's love life. As Lark explained, "My girlfriend will say to me 'Who are you? I don't know you. I am not your girlfriend.' And I figure, if some people out there know who I am, there is a greater and greater chance that she will."
But whence did this champion come? Or perhaps, wherefore? Travis explains his origins in his soon to be published autobiography: Travis Lark, Champion: Charlotte this is me, your boyfriend.

In his autobiography, Travis describes how he first felt a magnetic connection to newspapers and sudoku:
"Even as a baby I tended towards newspaper sudoku. Most of the newspaper I slept on had a sudoku section. And I always remember my father would read the newspaper in his leather armchair, smoke drifting out of his charming pipe, with a wry smile on his face as he yelled 'Now is paper time for Dada!'
"I never understood why he always read it upside down. But then again, it could have been my older brother impersonating him. He would do that sometimes to help us forget we never had a Dada in the first place. I guess we'll never know."

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