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A lock of Brown University President Ruth Simmons' hair was auctioned off yesterday for no less than 500 flex points and one pony.
The auction was held to raise awareness "about how awesome Ruth is," said wide-eyed Jimmy Gavin '11, who sponsored the event. Gavin is part of an established cult-like following for Brown's 18th president; he sells t-shirts with Simmons' likeness on the front, which are vague and esoteric enough to be trendy.
"We all love her because she cares about all of us so much-I feel like we're intimate friends," said Gavin, who has seen the University's charismatic leader exactly once, at his freshman convocation, two years ago. But he treasures the few emails he's received that, despite being written by her assistant, were electronically signed by Simmons.
The lucky student who won a crop of the chief's coif was Melanie Burns '13. She gleefully told the Noser that the flex points were easy to part with-she says she can sustain herself on the bliss she derives from holding a piece of "the Babe Ruth" (a misguided nickname for Simmons used by students who either have no interest in sports or whose interest in Ruth extends far beyond her presidential credentials).
"Daddy gave me the pony so I could win the auction," said Burns, as she delicately brushed the lock of hair against her cheek. "Daddy also went to Brown, and he gave the school lots of money so that I could, too!"
There are members of Brown's constituency who are less than excited about what has been called "the Golden Age of Ruth appreciation."
"I don't know, man," says Frank Levine '10. "I mean, I kind of feel like it's like the Che Guevara shirts that people who listen to 90s Progressive Rock wear-they have no idea who he is or what he stood for. Just that he looks adorably Communist."
"What the hell is Che Guava?" Jimmy Gavin retorted. "Is that some kind of fruit drink? Cause if it is, it can't be that good. Last time I checked, they weren't selling it at the Ivy Room."
