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KINGSTON, RI - University of Rhode Island student Pat Kaufman was faced with a startling realization Monday when it came to light that a disproportionate percentage of the students in his Women's Studies course were gay.
"Yea, so, there aren't many chicks in my engineering classes and I figured I'd take Women's Studies to kind of get a feel for the playing field, so to speak," Kaufman said. "I been hurtin' pretty bad lately."
According to those familiar with Kaufman, he had hoped to use the favorable ratio of males to females to his advantage in securing dating opportunities that he would not have otherwise received in a more competitive environment.
"He needs all the help he can get. He's a dirty, ugly, sleazy dude- I can't see why any girl with a heartbeat would give him a second look," remarked Kaufman's roommate, who asked not to be named for fear of deteriorating roommate relations.
The class, entitled "Feminist Theories and Methodologies," is described as a lecture concerning "[d]evelopment of feminist thought, exploration of contemporary feminist theories and research methods, including African-American, lesbian, Western, and non-Western perspectives, and the future role of feminist theories and methodologies," according to URI's course catalog.
According to Kaufman, he had started the class with low expectations. On entering the lecture hall the first day, his masculine ego immediately noticed something was amiss.
"When I first walked in, I was disappointed at how many couples were in the room. I thought a bunch of guys had stolen my idea and beaten me to the punch."
But Kaufman said it didn't take long for him to see past the short haircuts and plaid shirts.
Asked about the course content, Pat said, "It's incredibly intellectually stimulating really. At first I figured I'd just bullshit my way through the readings, but it's actually some interesting stuff. It's really changed the way I think about women." He added, "And the professor is totally bangin'!"
When asked about Kaufman's presence in the class, junior Lisa Berman responded with only, "Pat is a guy? I thought he was just some busted chick."
