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Last Wednesday, Daily Herald columnist Ben Schreckinger '12 published an article under the heading "Humorists at Noser, Jug are Joining Forces." The article was so fully saturated with vulgar libel and unwarranted criticisms that I hesitate to mention its content in a paper as reputable and objective as the Noser.
The article began by insinuating that students might actually "laugh over" the recent collaboration between the Brown Noser and the publication's newly acquired project, the Brown Jug.
Noser co-Editor-in-Chief Adam Wagner '11 called this comment "offensive" and "inflammatory" and demanded a formal apology from the Schreckinger family immediately.
Yet Schreckinger, or "The Schrecking-Ball," as he's known in some circles, did not stop there. He went on to indicate that "current plans call for the Noser to publish in October, December, February, and late April or early May, while the Jug will publish in late November and March."
"Who the hell are they to hold me to timelines?" demanded Noser co-Editor Ross Stackhouse '10. "I mean, do you see me going around telling everybody the Herald will come out every day of the week, rain or shine? I don't think so!"
That being said, current plans do call for the Herald to publish every weekday, rain or shine.
Schreckinger even dared to quote a student, Dan Ain '09, who claimed that the Noser "is actually quite funny."
Wagner replied, "Funny? I'll tell you what's funny. Somebody who thinks he can make my paper out to be some kind of joke and get away with it. That's what's funny."
Stackhouse added that somebody "who only has six letters in his entire name" is also quite funny.
This, however, is not the first time that the Herald has tried to besmirch the good reputation of the Brown Noser. In March of 2007, another Herald malcontent, Michael Becheck, published the article, "Brown Noser gets a whiff of success."
That first jab at the Noser went so far as to paint the publication's valiant efforts to reach Category III club status and to secure supplemental funding from the grandmother of then Editor-in-Chief Mitchell Moranis '10 as somehow humorous.
"Let me ask you this," asked Moranis. "Has the Herald ever staged a formal, face-and body-painted, ridiculous-sign-toting invasion of UCS? It takes planning, courage, and brawn. There isn't anything funny about it." He added that some Noser staff members such as Stackhouse had to take three showers to remove all of the body paint.
Noser Senior Staff Writer Hallie Cantor '11 noted that she was highly insulted by Schreckinger's mockery of her work. She even suggested that she might stop reading the Herald altogether if they didn't retract the article immediately.
In the meantime, both Noser Editors have issued formal promises to their staff that this latest insult would not go unanswered so long as they have breath in their finely toned bodies.
"The Herald will pay for their indiscretion," said Wagner.
"You can quote me on that," he added.
