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The nation's First Canine, Ms. Liberty Bell, recently invited the Brown Noser to her palatial estate on the White House front lawn for a special one-on-one interview. Unfortunately, before the interview had even begun, there was an incident involving the photographer becoming stuck in the doggy door. Luckily, this was settled quickly.
According to Ms. Liberty Bell, the country is in dire condition, and it will take more than a couple speeches to see America through it. "The economy is in shambles, we are still stuck in a quagmire of a war overseas, belly-rubs are at an all-time low.things are looking bad." She added, "Seriously, though, what does a girl need to do to get some attention around here? I've learned to heel. I've learned to play dead - boy, did that freak out the Secret Service."
Licking her hindquarters, Ms. Liberty Bell expounded on the Obama administration's policy direction. "Obviously, a large portion of our foreign relations strategy will involve rebuilding our image. My chef has already started putting a raw egg in my dinner, for a shinier coat. However, we will not solve all our problems in this manner. The Middle East continues to be a hotbed of terrorist activity, and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict seems to become more explosive by the day. And needless to mention, my tail is still at large. I pledge here and now, the Obama administration will capture this devious culprit and bring it to justice."
Many have hailed Ms. Liberty Bell for the way she speaks with conviction on issues of national merit. However, some denounce her for being too "outspoken," especially for a non-human who holds no political office. Such criticism has even come from within the Obama administration. According to a senior White House official, Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel recently commented, "Ms. Liberty Bell? I hate that bitch."
The American people, on the other hand, have become enchanted by the First Canine. In a recent Gallup poll asking, "Who's a good doggy?", 90% of registered voters responded, "You are!" "The nation has sent a resounding pat on the head to Ms. Liberty Bell," said University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato.
The Presidential Pup has remained modest in the face of such acclaim. "What the American people really need to do right now is to believe in themselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to rub my ass across the Oval Office carpet."
