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In a stunning move, an acquaintance of Kevin Garson '13 from orientation, Dina Russo '13, has ceased verbal contact with him. "I saw her on the line at the V-Dub and she nodded at me like I was nothing," Garson claimed in a tell-all interview last Thursday.
Garson and Russo first met at the ice cream social, where they exchanged the four pillars of any Brunonian friendship: name, place of origin, freshman dorm and possible concentration. Garson, a Long Islander with affinities for Ultimate Frisbee and a band he will suspiciously only refer to as "Dave," sensed that Russo "might be someone worth preserving in the endless stream of terrified and newly-bloated faces," and politely asked for her telephone number.
"There was something about her that just radiated," Garson reminisced. "She opted for the oatmeal cookies instead of the ice cream - very classy. She wore an infectious smile that brightened the masses. Oh yeah, and she had a killer rack."
"I met a lot of people that night," said Russo. "Some were interesting, some weren't. I got a lot of numbers from kids I haven't talked to since. A few days ago I went through my address book and deleted them all."
"He seemed so happy on the phone the next morning," said Kevin's mother, Carrie Garson P'13. "He told me, 'Mom, I just met the girl I'm going to marry.'"
Garson and Russo next encountered one another at the traditional final event of freshman orientation, the Unit Wars. "I was a Perkins Pirate and she was a Hope Hippo," recollected Garson. "We faced each other in the watermelon-eating contest. I knew I had to do something to impress her." Onlookers later recounted the tale of a seemingly epileptic young buccaneer flapping around on the blue plastic, devouring all traces of fruit in sight. "Yeah, love makes us all do crazy things."
This brazen display of courage apparently did not register with Russo, who insisted that she was "too busy checking out that hot MPC's butt" to notice her new buddy.
"I texted her a couple of days later," Garson said. "Her response? 'Whos this.' I mean, wow. I just love the way she didn't put an apostrophe between the 'o' and the 's.' She can be so original sometimes. Anyhow, I told her it was Kevin Garson.She didn't respond to that one. yet."
"I vaguely recognize him," Russo said. "I just don't actually want to talk to him. I met him on the first night of orientation. The training wheels are off now. I've made real friends. I've moved on."
"I don't think that I'll [verbally communicate with her] again," Garson harmonized. "But we shared a moment that will last till the end."
"If he tries to approach me, I'm fully equipped to respond with pepper spray and a defensive kick to the crotch," Russo said. "I will, however, continue to nod politely at him, to keep up the façade of a respectful but silent acquaintance."
