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When Caroline Abrams '13 enrolled in HIST1310, "The Protestant Reformation," she expected to slough through a vast amount of reading, churn out some late-night essays, and get hooked on at least five new TV shows in the course of her procrastination.
However, she discovered that the class was actually just a forum for Professor Guy Gerard to show off all the dates he knew.
"When did Martin Luther post the 95 Theses?" he asked the class. His inquisitive tone, his folded arms, and his five-second pause all indicated that he actually wished to receive an answer. But although three students raised their hands, it soon became apparent that Gerard's inquiry was in fact purely rhetorical.
"1517!" Gerard crowed, and the students who had raised their hands slumped down in disappointment.
The professor, smothering a grin, turned to the blackboard and drew out a tally chart, marking one column for "Students" and the other for "Professor."
"One for the professor," he said casually, making a tick mark under the "Professor" header.
The HIST1310 class - whose enrollment dropped from 73 to 29 in one week - soon came to realize that although Professor Gerard might ask them questions, he didn't actually want them answered.
"How about the Treaty of Westphalia?" asked Professor Gerard in a challenging tone. "When did that happen? Huh?"
"Sixteen-" began history concentrator Zachary Berger '12, before he was promptly drowned out by the hyena-like shriek of the professor.
"1648!" screamed the professor, and, before anyone could protest, he whipped around to the blackboard and broke the chalk as he drew a screeching tally mark under the "Professor" column.
Gerard's competitive nature has inspired unheard-of diligence in the remaining HIST1310 students. Some have resorted to measures as desperate as actually reading the textbook. The class has also become more adept at speed-talking, so that they can blurt out the date before the professor interrupts them.
"When was the Schmalkaldic League established?" the professor inquired in what students have now identified as a deceptively thoughtful tone.
"1531!" shouted three students simultaneously, their mouths moving so impossibly fast that Professor Gerard didn't even have time to scream over them.
"Fine!" Professor Gerard shouted instead. "You may know that date … but do you know when Charlemagne was crowned Holy Roman Emperor?!"
A stunned silence fell over the class.
"800!" the professor declared, and punched his fist into the air in triumph. "Yessss," he hissed under his breath, before announcing to the class, "One hundred points to Professor Gerard!"
He then turned to the blackboard and proceeded to draw exactly one hundred tally marks under the "Professor" column.
"That was so inappropriate," said Abrams after class had ended. "800 is the Medieval period, not the Reformation. There was no way we could have learned that date from the textbook, or even the supplemental reading."
"The Reformation was from 1517 to 1648," she added.
