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The Brown Noser

"Puberty the Musical" Acclaimed by Local Critics

Published Monday, February 25th, 2008

"BOOBIES," the potent opening song from "Puberty The Musical," is one small sample of the extremely heady aspects of this emotionally complex tour de force and sets the tone for the masterpiece to come. Clay Efron, the male lead played by renowned actor Haley Joel Osment, crackles and squeaks his way through this heartfelt ballad about the expanding breasts of his 7th grade classmates.

"You're wearing the same shirt you wore last year, but it looks oh so much better on you now, oh wow, oh wow. How can it be!? I stand dazed by the lockers, all I can think about is your super cool knockers."
While the song is powerful in itself, the sputter of Osment's voice every time he hits the high note in "BOOBIES" truly adds to this awe-inspiring performance.

The musical is centered on the life of Clay Efron as he works his way through 7th grade in a small suburban town. It magnificently captures the complex emotions of puberty with songs like "The Day My Balls Dropped," "My Face, the Oil Slick," "I Thought I Wet My Bed, but Daddy Says It Came out of my Head," among others. These musical marvels display the true genius of writer Howie Dorough, little-known former Backstreet Boy.

Of the work, Dorough said, "I was really inspired while I was touring with the Backstreet Boys by the teenagers who adored us. Such awkwardness! Such confusion! It was just so rousing, so stimulating!"

Osment's talent shines through in the way he truly captures the depth of his character. Though he is now 19, Osment manages to convey the acne and effervescence of 13 with shocking ease.
He explained, "I really peaked at 11 and I missed out on a whole part of my childhood. I mean, I took the child star route. I tried to have a drug habit, I tried to go clubbing, but lets face it, I still look 13. This role is really all I can do at this point."

While the publicity from his recent arrest scared producers, his mug shot revealed that Osment was 5'4" and 110 lbs. Producers found that these measurements reinforced the image of him as a 13-year-old.

Audience members found the lyrics, as sung by Osment, to be exceptionally inspirational. Of particular note is the moment when Clay decides to talk to his crush, Faith, in the song "I Love You, but I Think I'd Crap My Pants if You Spoke to Me."

With lines like, "I dream about you every night, my mommy says that it's alright it's some kind of special new dream. I always think I wet my bed, but really it's just that I can't get you out of my head. Oh Faith please, I'm getting down on my knees, if only I could hold your hand, my palms are a little sweaty, but I really think I'm ready." Osment brings the audience to an intense climax.

The protagonist's heartfelt description of an in-cident at summer camp, when counselors announce over the loud speaker that "Clay got a boner in the arts and crafts shack!" truly captures his character's vulnerability. The camp counselors burst into song, with lines like, "Everybody gets 'em in the shack, I mean, that's where I take my super hot girlfriend when we wanna mack," displaying the exceptional lyrical talent of the former Backstreet Boy, and highlight the penetrating voice of Osment.

When Clay finally gets up the guts to speak to Faith at a skating social, they hold hands and kiss behind the gumball machine in a gripping scene. However, tragedy strikes when their braces get stuck together. Crackling with ease through this final ballad, as the Paramedics work to detach the couple, Osment's character belts out lines such as, "I hate my orthodontist, I told him I didn't want this, I wish I had those cool clear braces, then maybe we wouldn't be locked together staring weirdly at each others faces. I finally find the girl of my dreams, I'm so happy I could scream, I need cream on my face, my skin feels like I've been mased." The song captures the attention deficit of puberty smoothly.

"Puberty the Musical" is a true magnum opus. A must see for all ages!

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