Partly Cloudy, 64°
Up and coming Providence chef Antoine Clouditoli has gained a great deal of praise recently due to his new cream-based 'Cloudfredo' pasta sauce. Food connoisseurs worldwide have flocked to his small, street-front vending stand/ristorante on Federal hill to taste for themselves the wonder that is linguini Cloudfredo. I, however, took a trip to Federal hill to get to the bottom of Clouditoli's other claim to fame: his supernatural weather-generating powers. Though I wasn't able to contact Chef Clouditoli directly, the following is a transcript of the phone interview I held with him on Friday:
Noser: So. weather-generation. That's a pretty cool superhuman ability, huh?
CHEF: Well, yes, but I'm actually a very well-rounded person, too. I have a lot of really great hobbies like golfing and fishing. I especially love cooking though. It really is my passion.
Noser: But yeah, weather generation is the only cool thing about you, right?
CHEF: Well I think the "coolest" thing about me is my unique cooking style. My mother is Jewish, but my father is Italian. This gave me some interesting fusion experience growing up, and I feel that this mix is really evident in my most famous dish, Cl-
Noser: Let me guess, tropical storms with a dash of lightning bolts, served with a side of earthquakes and some twisty tornadoes!
CHEF: Listen, could you please just stop with the whole weather thing?
Noser: Okay, okay. So, Antoine... can I call you Antoine?
CHEF: You may.
Noser: ... What's your absolute favorite meteorological phenomenon to summon?
CHEF: [Sigh] Can I say something to you off record?
Noser: Sure, my pen is down. We're off the books. It's just you and me.
CHEF: I agreed to this interview because you promised that we would solely discuss my cooking styles and my interests. My... ability... is something very personal that my family and I have had to deal with for many years now. Don't tell anyone this, but my abilities were responsible for the New York blackout of 2003. I've been in therapy ever since. So I would appreciate it if you would please refrain from bringing that part of my life up in this interview. Thank you.
Noser: I'm sorry, could you repeat that last part? My stenographer didn't quite get it...
Unfortunately, we got disconnected as the power in my dorm went out. Some sort of freak lightning storm over only my room. (Could have used Clouditoli to stop that one, right? At least that's one cool thing about him.)
Chef Clouditoli can be found cooking at Federal Hill's "Cloud Nove" but he's probably not a very good chef anyway- what with all the time he spends weather controlling and all. ?
