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A new club limped its way to Category I status at last Wednesday's UCS meeting. Though Brown already boasts several competitive gaming clubs, the new Scrabble club is less about competition and more about "providing a forum for students to express their deepest, least sexual inner thoughts and triple-point combo words," as club founder Willy Giuliani '08 proclaimed in front of the UCS general body.
"We were tired of reading flyers for M-Sex this, Femsex that. How about we have a club that's about no sex?" said Giuliani. "And so the Brown Eunuchs Scrabble Workshop was formed."
Their mission statement reads as follows: "We strive to provide a place for Brown eunuchs to gather without anxiety about talk of castration, and play a risk-free game of 'Safe Scrabble.'"
"Safe Scrabble" consists of the normal game of Scrabble, except that certain words have been removed from the game in an effort to avoid anything that would bring up the touchy subject.
"We have disarticulated words that would be offensive to our culture. Therefore, any word pertaining to sex is not allowed."
In actuality, there are many words which have been banned by the club. They include, but are not limited to the following: anything with the word "ball" in it, castration, removal, detachment, lacking, missing, not functioning, functioning, skoptic, testicles, rooster (or any other word for said bird), neuter, nuts, gelding, undescended, scrotum, sperm, any type of nut, stiff, Superman, morning glory, telephone pole, snip, Johnson, Peter, pecker, Viagra (and any related ED medications), spuds, thunder stick, hard, wood, soulja' boy, Fruit Rollup, flaccid, limp, beef bazooka, torpedo, or purple headed yogurt slinger.
Giuliani said there have been high yields from their recruiting efforts at M-Sex, where he believes some students were so weirded out by the stories they heard that they "just chopped it right off."
The club will be meeting bi-weekly "not just to play Scrabble, but to really explore some of the other talents and perks of being a castrated man," said founding member Jens Laarsen. "I find myself very stimulated by our interaction here."
The club has been working on forming an a capella group, but has reached some issues getting it up and running because it seems every member is a soprano.
"We're working on how to discover some new hidden talents of ours by paying attention to historically significant eunuchs. We've been reading a lot about Origen and Abelard, listening to Ricky Martin, watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and of course the best episode of Family Guy ever, 'Chitty Chitty Death Bang,' when Meg falls for a eunuch."
Though the club has already experienced a recent roadblock when Sunday's UFB budget cuts, following Friday and Saturday's budget cuts, caused them to lose funding. Giuliani responded by saying, "We'll be okay without 'em. I mean, come on, we always have been."
"Just look at Ricky Martin," he added. "No really. Just look at him. It just makes me want to. oh fuck."
