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Providence Police responded to a public disturbance call last Thursday night at 11:40 pm from a local complaining that "shouting and shenanigans" were disrupting his sleep.
When police arrived on scene, they found a disheveled man with full facial hair, and what appeared to be many layers of tattered clothing, yelling wildly and attempting to strike another man with a shopping cart full of books and loose papers. The second man, dressed in casual business attire, was attempting to pacify his attacker, holding his hands in front of him in a non-threatening gesture of peace while trying to dodge the first man's impromptu weapon bearing a logo from Eastside Marketplace.
However, when officers attempted to apprehend the presumably homeless drifter during his assault on an innocent bystander, they were met with cries of, "You can't do this, I go to RISD! This is madness! Fools, all of you!"
Taken into custody was 22-year-old Alex Thompson, a senior studying costume design at the Rhode Island School of Design and self-proclaimed "connoisseur of street fashion."
Out for a late-night coffee run, attempting to "grease the wheels of his artistic genius," Thompson decided to stop into Starbucks for his usual venti Americano. While he was brooding miserably on the corner of Thayer and Waterman, Simon Burman, a local businessman, passed by and allegedly tossed his loose change into the student's uncapped beverage, splashing him with scalding coffee.
"I was trying my hand at being charitable! How was I to know he wasn't an old bag lady," said Burman.
Infuriated by this unabashed act of selflessness, Thompson flew into a rage, screaming "artistic" jabber about "the death of the modern authentic," and the "illusion of the unaffected self." When Burman refused to dignify his artistic suffering with a response, Thompson took matters into his own hands, wielding the shopping cart he uses as a sort of post-modern book bag in an attempt to strike the businessman.
Luckily, officers were able to separate the two men before either party was injured.
Thompson was released from custody later that night and Burman claims that he will not press assault charges over the incident, simply stating, "Clearly, those RISD children are fueled by misery. I would hate to provide him any artistic inspiration through the horrors of jail time."
Along with dodging any serious legal issues, Thompson claims he has been made into a minor celebrity amongst the RISD student body.
"Everyone's been really amazed by my level of commitment. I can't blame them. I mean, I've been growing this beard since freshman year. Do you have any idea how itchy my face is everyday? And do I shave? No," said Thompson, "People act as if I can head over to J.C.Penny and pick up a look like this. Pure ignorance."
Thompson said that he has no plans to alter his unconventional appearance, and that the incident has actually reaffirmed his belief that his dress is integral in his pursuit of authenticity.
"I mean it takes me hours every morning to look this disheveled. It's really an art form."
