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University officials announced last Thursday that the Brown Sciences Library is in store for a little, well-deserved boost of confidence.
"Over the past ten years, Brown has seen a steady decline in female concentrators in the sciences," said Dean of the College Katherine Bergeron. "And with a study venue as tiny as the SciLi, it's not hard to understand why. It's just plain embarrassing how small it is."
The less-than-impressive building currently stands at a mere 14 stories. By adding ten floors to it, the University hopes that the SciLi will be able to stand more confidently as one of the tallest erections in town. In addition, the library will now be able to accommodate the expectedly higher volume of students by adding two spherical testing facilities at the base, aptly named testicles.
Although necessary, the project will be far from inexpensive, according to Bergeron. She added that "the initiative fits in perfectly with the Boldly Brown campaign. We just want to give our school and its facilities a bolder presence in the academic world."
"Not only will this construction project leave Brown with a larger, firmer Sciences Library," promised University Librarian Harriette Hemmasi, "but it will also allow the University to leave the building open even later into the evenings. for those extended study sessions during finals period."
The prospect of a bigger, stronger, longer
lasting SciLi has already aroused the interest of numerous Brown women who have yet to decide upon their concentrations.
"Personally, I've never had much interest in the SciLi. But if it's going to be as big as they say, I might just have to check it out," said Tiana Hertel '10.
However, other girls are less fascinated by the extension, pointing out the common misconception that size is all that girls care about when it comes to libraries.
As physics concentrator Gabrielle Frackman '08 puts it, "It's not the size of the sinusoidal wave that matters; it's the velocity of the photon."
But is it really the velocity of the photon? Many girls have routinely complained that the currently undersized SciLi isn't nearly large enough to satisfy their burning desire for scientific knowledge.
"The fact is, Brown girls are tired of hearing that 'it's cold outside' or 'the SciLi just got out of the pool,'" said Bergeron. The women at this University have been disappointed with the size of their Sciences Library for far too long and it's about time they got the big, meaty SciLi they've all been craving. and some of the guys too for that matter!"
