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A recent poll shows that a majority of students believe Sean Quigley '10 - head of the campus Republicans, prominent Brown Daily Herald columnist, and Medieval English history aficionado - is "quite well adjusted" for being an 18th century time traveler. This surprising result came in at a whopping 78%, ahead of such other polled answers as "very unimportant" (43%), "somewhat attractive" (23%), and "think it should be changed to 'Fall Weekend'" (16%).
At first, Quigley was "thrown" by 21st century America's seemingly backward customs and practices, such as bathing regularly and allowing non-landowners to vote. "The small differences make the biggest impact," said Quigley. "For instance, I find these automobiles needlessly wasteful and, frankly, frightening. In my time, we gentry went everywhere by buggy, pulled, of course, by small pauper children. Sure, it took a bit longer, but I guess we simply were not in as much of a hurry as you future people are."
Quigley's friends also commend him for how well he has transitioned into present culture. "It wasn't easy," admitted Don Johnson '11, vice-president of the campus Republicans and friend of the fourth dimensional adventurer. "It took a while for him to lose the powdered wig, and he still hasn't given up the snuff box. But, really, who would?" He added, "The biggest thing is that he insists on wearing those old cuff links made of gorilla pinkies. I don't know. He says they were a gift."
Reportedly, the 18th-century nobleman became lost in time during an experiment gone awry. "I was doing some alchemy in my studiolo, trying to develop the legendary philosopher's stone," remembered Quigley. "I know, alchemy was considered outdated even in my time. But what can I say? I'm a traditionalist." He continued, "Anyway, I flayed open a live cat and threw the carcass into a vat of boiling lead. The very next moment, I wake up in a J.C. Penney. Go figure!"
Sean Quigley spent several years attempting to develop a method of returning back to his own era. He drew on every piece of scientific knowledge at his disposal. "Apparently, DeLoreans are no longer manufactured. Also, hot tubs tend to be on the expensive side. I found a semi-affordable Jacuzzi, but I wasn't sure if there was a difference between the two."
For now, Quigley bides his time catching up on what he missed by watching documentaries on the History Channel. "I'm particularly interested to see how this World War II plays out. Fingers crossed!"
