Partly Cloudy, 64°
It seems a veritable revolution has started on the fourth floor of Morriss Hall, where Sage Abrams '14 has begun an active campaign of non-violent resistance against the undue cruelty and injustice that is his three-page paper assignment for his first year seminar, HIST0970X: "Gandhi's Way."
According to sources, it all started after Abrams had a revelation in the library on the night before the already-extended due date of his short essay.
"I couldn't bring myself to write one more word because I realized that the assignment was demeaning to me as an individual student and as a member of the human race. Plus that episode of House was on - you know how that show is, you have to see it through to the end."
Something had to be done about the paper, but traditional means of resistance didn't seem to fit. Where the faint of heart would have resorted to simply completing the relatively straightforward assignment on time, Abrams has looked to the Mahatma's example for guidance.
Abrams, who assured the Noser that he had completed reading "most of" Gandhi's 560-page autobiography, showed up for class the next day dressed only in his underwear, explaining that his new garb would allow him to "eliminate all distractions" and "live more simply by reducing myself to zero," and also that he hasn't done laundry in a while.
He has additionally given up all sexual activity in order to "maintain spiritual and practical purity," "learn to love and not just lust" and because no self-respecting woman would want to go near him.
He has even begun fasting as a means of political protest that "expresses my deep sense of sorrow at the way those I love have disappointed me - seriously, I lost my Brown ID, and none of my friends will guest swipe me into the Ratty."
All this may sound like irrational or perhaps lazy behavior to Westerners like you or me, but for Abrams - who has read the introduction and maybe the first chapter of Gandhi's autobiography - it is not just laziness: it's also a part of his plan. His plan to not do his assignment.
"I know only that the only way to garner the sympathy and public support needed to win this battle against cruelty and oppression is through nonviolent methods." Continued Abrams, "Because Professor Subramanian seems pretty tough - I don't think I could take her."
Abram's unwavering determination has gained him quite the following among his freshman seminar classmates.
"What? Oh that assignment? I finished that ages ago," said classmate Joanne Shu '14 in solidarity.
Armed with the support of the masses and his moral integrity, Abrams continues to fight the good fight, waging satyagraha, or "love-force," against those who stand for injust - what? Oh, he turned it in late and took the half-grade penalty? He got an A-minus? I knew he could do it; good for him!
