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The Brown Noser

Student Confuses Safewalk for Escort Service, Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Ensues

Published Monday, February 25th, 2008

In an unfortunate case of mistaken identity, Brown student Daniel Newman '11 now faces multiple sexual harassment lawsuits after propositioning Safewalkers for sexual favors. Newman said the confusion arose over contrasting interpretations of the term "escort service" and that he believed Safewalkers Carrie Regan '10 and Nicole Smith '09 to be University-sponsored prostitutes.

Newman's misadventure began last Saturday when he and several of his friends went to Jo's for a late-night snack. Upon leaving the establishment, the group was, in Newman's words, "accosted" by Regan and Smith who asked them if they needed an escort.

"They came up to us and asked if we wanted someone to 'walk us home,'" Newman explained. "I asked them why they were being so friendly and they said that it was their job to escort people back to their dorms."

"So then I asked them if they were like an escort service or something and they said 'Yeah, I guess so.' They seemed confused, but I figured they were just being coy. Everyone knows that 'walk you home' is hooker slang for 'I perform sexual favors for cash.'"

Newman then asked whether he should pay them for their services before or after they were done.

"He asked us if he could get a 2-for-1 deal," Regan said, "and I didn't really get what he meant."

Newman proceeded to make lewd remarks to the women and attempted to grope Smith, who is trained in the Safewalk martial arts, which resulted in her breaking Newman's wrist.

On Wednesday, Regan and Smith filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Newman. The suit asked the court to award the pair $1.2 million for the "traumatic humiliation" resulting from "being sexually propositioned by a short, ugly freshman."

Friends and acquaintances of Newman expressed some surprise at the incident, although many indicated that they had seen warning signs that such an event might occur.

"I guess we should have seen it coming," said one classmate. "This one time when I was hanging out with Dan, we saw someone being escorted by Safewalk, and Dan started making suggestive comments about them, but we all thought he was kidding. Boy were we wrong."

Newman, meanwhile, attempted to defend himself, saying that it was "a mistake anyone could make."

"Cut me some slack, okay?" said Newman. "They looked like hookers. kind of. sort of. maybe. Anyway, I'm pretty sure one of them was wearing red lipstick. And have you seen how short those vests are?"

In order to address concerns that the situation was exacerbated in part by the lascivious attire worn by Safewalkers, the organization has announced that it will be implementing a strict dress code. Miniskirts, halter tops, and skimpy lingerie are among the items banned by the new code. Furthermore, male Safewalkers can no longer work shirtless and Speedos are now "unacceptable work attire."

In addition to these stringent new regulations, Safewalk has also revamped its uniform vests. Gone are the plunging necklines and exposed midriffs that characterized the current vests and made them so provocative and controversial. In their place, Safewalkers will now wear offensively bright neon vests that are "classy and conservative."

"Don't worry," said Safewalk spokesperson Hannah Perrin. "The uniforms are still sexy, just not too sexy."

In a final step to avoid future confusion, Safewalk has also changed its motto from "Safewalk- Never Walk Home Alone" to "Safewalk- We're Not Whores."

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