Partly Cloudy, 64°
After three long months without reading his mail, Marshall Cohn '10 finally felt it was time to take the job seriously, with some fashion and wit on the side.
"It was far too complex to open on my own," said Cohn. "I tried a variety of demolition experts, safe-crackers, and con artists but eventually I realized only the greatest thieves in the world, ones who had proven their ability by robbing the world's biggest casinos, would be able to get me my mail."
So, Cohn hired Danny Ocean and his team to enter the J. Walter Wilson building, break into his mailbox, and retrieve his post. "Rusty and I met Marshall at the Vanderbilt mansion in Newport," Ocean said. "We felt that there was nowhere in Providence suave enough to host our planning session." It was during their meeting that, simultaneous to discussing the plan, the break in started
to take place.
"It was amazing," said Cohn. "Danny and Rusty started explaining how they were going to get my mail and all of a sudden the funky jazz music kicked in and there was this classy setup montage and then it just started happening."
The plan worked to perfection. The Amazing Yen parachuted onto the roof of the building and scaled down the side onto the copper awning. From there, he swung down and activated the automatic door, permitting Frank Catton to enter and schmooze with the mailroom workers, drawing their attention away from the entrance.
Then, Basher Tarr cut traffic to Waterman Street by setting off light munitions causing a pipe to burst. Virgil and Turk Malloy then pretended to be cops and redirected traffic from Waterman onto Benefit, permitting Reuben to land on the street in a helicopter flown by Livingston Dell, and request to see President Ruth Simmons about making a donation.
Meanwhile, Saul went to the Hillel building disguised as a Talmudic scholar and gave a lecture on King David, permitting Danny and Rusty to enter the mailroom from the north stairwell disguised in black ski-masks.
Using plastic explosives, Rusty and Danny blew the door off the box and removed the contents. However, as they were leaving, Brown DPS officers had arrived on the scene and they were detained for postal theft. The mail was replaced and the mailbox resealed. But, as expected from such experienced thieves, Linus Caldwell had become a Brown mailroom employee three months ago, removing Cohn's mail earlier that day. Da da da da na na na na, bow bow wow bow wow chicka bow daw da da da bow.
