Mitch's articles
After three long months without reading his mail, Marshall
Cohn '10 finally felt it was time to take the job seriously, with some fashion and wit on the side.
"It was far too complex to open on my own," said Cohn. "I tried a variety of demolition experts, safe-crackers, and con artists but eventually I realized only the greatest thieves in the world, ones who had proven their ability by robbing the world's biggest casinos, would be able to get me my mail.
The Verney-Woolley Dining Hall erupted into unbridled anarchy this week as a result of the eatery's decision to remove trays from the dining experience. Initially proposed to help the environment by reducing water use, the implementation caused the V-Dub to devolve into a post-apocalyptic war zone.
More than two weeks after the start of his encore, Dave Binder is still playing hits from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. The encore began at approximately 3:52 p.m. on April 13th.
"He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink," sang Binder, "He drinks a cider drink.
The world's tiniest golfer, coincidentally a sophomore at Brown University, has been completely confused by the flag display on Lincoln Field intended to raise awareness about the situation in Darfur.
The 12-handicapper and 8 cm tall golfer, Eric Leipson '10, doesn't know which way to play his next shot.
For most quick-change artists, it's all about the show. Lights, camera, clothes, and action. For Samantha Kryzwick '10, however, it's about the opposite: remaining incognito and avoiding the spotlight.
"I hate being called on in a class of any size, especially one that has 500 people" said Kryzwick.
When Derrick Farnsworth '09 led a campaign against Joseph Marshall '08 in order to slay the latter's Dragonbeast, it seemed to be just for fun and bragging rights. It appeared as entertainment for a few lonesome, socially awkward college students, whose only passion was board game sensation Dungeons and Dragons.
March 4th is shaping up to be a big day nationwide as two big primaries, Ohio and Texas, may determine the Democratic nomination. That same day, however, our small northeastern state could also be an unsung hero for one of the candidates. Buried beneath the hype of Ohio and Texas will be the Rhode Island primary and its 32 delegates.
The Super Bowl is where boys become men, normal players become champions, and the defeated are forgotten. It is where the gridiron's greatest clash to determine who will be the champion of the world. It is where the good and the great become the best. For an individual, it also can be where football immortality can be gained.
The Brown Rice got a taste of success Wednesday as the men's baseball team rode to a victory over Cornell on the bat of Zak DeOssie '07. DeOssie, a linebacker on the football team and professional prospect, is not on the baseball team, and no one knows how or why he was there.
<b>This article has a BNTV video!</b><br>
When Jon Gregory '09 and Paolo Torrino '09 first stuck their hands into their 12-foot finger trap they only expected a few minutes of fun. They were unaware that their lifestyles would change as a result of a toy.
Fans of the show <i>24</i> may have noticed that not only does Bauer's cell phone never run out, despite the fact that he's talking on it a good deal of the time in every single episode, but also this: Jack Bauer never goes to the bathroom. Ever. I mean seriously, we've seen about five-and-a-half days of this man's life and never once has he had to do number one or two.
<b>This article has a BNTV video!</b><br>
No one was surprised at last week's discovery that members of the Brown men's ice hockey team were unable to read the headline to this article. Experts predicted that this phenomenon would occur. The reasons, however, are currently under investigation.
The campus was up in arms yesterday after Brown's first attempted Opposite Day resulted in failure, spreading joy and excitement among the student body.
The day was poorly planned and included very few activities. Students were upset with the giant bouncing castle, free cotton candy, and performances by hip-hop and R&B sensation Brian McKnight.
The scene at 50 Aborn Street was one of relief when, last week, Denny's officially opened its doors. The Denny's, a family chain restaurant that offers such treats as the Meat Lover's Omelet, had finally subdued the location's now-former restaurant, Cuban Revolution, after attempts to maintain its grip over location.
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Actor turned Director turned Anti-Semite Mel Gibson announced yesterday that production has begun on what will be his fourth directed film. "Ourth-Fay Ade-Gray" will be Gibson's third foreign language film, filmed entirely in Pig Latin. "The Passion of the Christ" was filmed entirely in Aramaic, while this year's "Apocalypto" was filmed in Mayan.
Linebacker Zak DeOssie '07, after eating Sam Harper '10, will attend a Dean's Hearing to determine the punitive measures the University will take in response to the incident. DeOssie consumed Harper after Brown's 19-13 overtime loss to Dartmouth.
In an unprecedented move, two Brown students actually took what was initially a verbal argument outside of Josiah's, where the altercation began. The move caused extreme confusion as neither of the students had ever taken the fight outside nor heard of someone who had.
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