Partly Cloudy, 64°
For decades, college students across the world have shared a common goal. Be it through the use of vinyl record players, Nintendo 64 consoles or Sock 'em Boppers, everyone everywhere has hoped to somehow "bring something back."
Terry Packer '11 is no exception to this rule. Four weeks ago, Packer set up a yo-yo station in the mail room to brandish his vintage, canary yellow, 1991 Duncan Mosquito Butterfly yo-yo, which he calls "sly." Now, each day, between noon and 6 pm, Packer can be seen "walking the dog," "sleeping," and "cat's cradling" next to the Asian dance and culture table.
"Yea, you know, I just like to kick it old school sometimes-break out some skills for my fellow man. I'm not trying to start a fad or anything, you know, just spreading the love," said Packer last week, looking up from behind his softcover Goosebumps book. Packer is also using the table to advertise and sell copies of the first five "Now" CDs, as well as DVD box sets of the first four seasons of the Captain Planet television series.
Not everyone agrees with Packer's idea of "spreading the love," however. "He always comes in and tries to start conversations about old Nickelodeon shows. I mean, yeah, it was fun to think about the first time, but after six months of 'Remember Kenan & Kel!? Remember Rocko's Modern Life!! REMEMBER OLMEC!!!?'. it's just a little stale," commented neighbor Zach Mayne '11.
According to Mayne, Packer unsuccessfully attempted to sell Lite Brites and Spirographs out of his room earlier this year before beginning his yo-yo campaign.
"And I don't get what the deal is with his 'witty' one-liners about the Clinton administration,either," commented hallmate Shelley Newton '11. "I understand what Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common. I heard the joke about a thousand times in middle school, you know?"
Noser investigators have scoured the campus in search of any student whose love of the yo-yo was reignited by Packer's efforts. "Yeah, I actually know a few guys on the yo-yo team who are pretty good," Packer told our investigators. "I told them to stop by my table. None of them have showed up yet, but the week is still young, mis amigos!"
Complaints have built in recent days of students being hit by rogue yo-yos while trying to check their mail. "I had a really solid bagel in the Blue Room and I was feeling great," began Brian Wells '10. "I walked into the mail room and this douche bag was standing there singing that Macarena song from like fifteen years ago and flinging these yo-yos everywhere. He sees me and yells, 'Hey, check it out! Around the world!' and pitches one of those clear light-up pieces of crap right into my fuckin' nose. Needless to say, that ruined my bagel high."
When asked to shed his thoughts on the incident, Packer said, "Yeah, it was totally like the Brady Bunch ep when Marsha got hit by that football! But that reference might be a little too old school for y'all." Yesterday, Packer was politely asked to leave the building by campus authorities.
"Who knows what I'll do next!" Packer said yesterday. "I've always wanted to start an LFO/98 degrees/O-Town cover band with a few of my compatriots!"
This is not the first time Packer has roused protest amongst his fellow students. In November, Packer's Brown-secure internet access was revoked after he sent out a mass "You know you're from the nineties when." Facebook quiz to over 9,000 other users.
"I wish you would step back from that leedddge, my friend." sang Packer. "It's Jumper!"
