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In the first days of 2011, while many young Americans were busy consuming alcohol and tweeting rap music on their Playstations, one group was taking action.
On January 5th, with a stroke of a hammer, Lisa Stevens '09 put the finishing touch on a small hospital shelter. The shelter, built entirely with Red Cross volunteer labor, is the beginning of a massive Western-led public health initiative.
Stevens proudly surveyed her team's handiwork, calling it "an example of what we can achieve when we all just work together."
"Now if we can just find us some damn Africans, we'll be all set," said Stevens.
Many students, who now vastly outnumber the native Africans, spoke movingly on the profound benefits of experiencing other communities and ways of living.
"Sure, there's mad sand and shit," commented one Brown student on study-abroad. "But the chance to help revitalize international HIV or something makes it all worthwhile." The student spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear that taking the two seconds to give his name would delay his entrance into the Three Slide Body Flume at the new Six Flags Over Addis Ababa.
Sub-Saharan Africa, known for its stunning natural beauty, extreme poverty and (more recently) the highest per capita levels of ironic T-shirt ownership in the world, has for years been a target of international aid groups. This has progressed to such an extent that the region is now composed mainly of upper-middle-class Americans, as well as Latin American immigrants specifically flown in by enterprising businessmen to staff the requisite sanitation services, convenience stores and Chipotles.
"Living here in Sub-Saharan Africa, it really makes me appreciate all the things that we take for granted, like electricity and running water," said Rob Lambert '11, based in Kampala, studying elephant migration patterns. "No mini-fridges full of frozen pizza and Coors here in Uganda."
"I guess we can just grab that stuff from that Safeway where all those huts used to be," mused Lambert.
The increasing educated American presence has drawn the ire of some native Africans. Complaints targeting volunteers' large numbers and overcrowding of local bars are common.
"This tide of foreigners threatens to overwhelm the native lifestyle of my people," stated Mwai Odinga, a local Masai chief. "Their lands are at risk, their way of life is being threatened and I am almost absolutely certain they must be around here somewhere."
Others, however, continued to praise the hard work of international partners, valuing their service.
"We value the continued service of our international partners, and we praise their hard work," stated Sierra Leone's Vice President Al-haji Samuel Sam-Sumana. (At no point was Wikipedia consulted in the writing of this article.-Ed.) "The impact of this volunteerism far and away overshadows Sierra Leone's massive inflation levels due to the influx of American dollars.
"Although, truthfully, the Americans can be somewhat … eccentric," reflected Sam-Sumana, recalling the 2008 incident when the Princeton branch of Engineers Without Borders constructed a drainage system for a purported native village that turned out to be a group of grad students from Idaho with "really great tans."
The interview was interrupted as bronzed Midwesterner Robert Sauvage rushed up to Sam-Sumana, inquiring whether the vice president was in need of spare mosquito netting or AIDS medication.
"You guys!" exclaimed Sauvage to his companions as the vice president stalked away. "I'm like 90 percent sure that guy was a member of an at-risk population!
"Or from Idaho," clarified Sauvage. "At-risk or from Idaho."
