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"It all started when the message 'Iroquois Rules, Brown Drools' appeared in blood on the recently erected walls of the pool," Goldberger said. "I guess we should have foreseen this when our bulldozer was pulled down into the Earth by a series of skeletal extremities. But in this industry, you just can't afford to get slowed down by things like that. Time is money."
The woes of the men's and women's swimming and diving programs continue following last year's closure of the Smith Swim Center. A recent string of events has forced the termination of construction on the
temporary swimming facility, which had been slated to open in early January. In a recent press conference, Athletic Director Michael Goldberger cited a string of preternatural phenomena as the source of the construction issues.
Some of the workers have also, on several occasions, reported the apparition of an old Native American medicine woman. Others said that they have felt "the frigid breath of death" blowing on the back of their necks in recent weeks.
When asked about the recent occurrences, swimmer/frat brother Brad Hannaford '10 said he is not surprised by the giant tepee that briefly encapsulated the campus yesterday morning as he has been known to pitch tents all over campus for two years.
Oddly enough, the same lame joke was also put forth by members of the Outing Club and the Brown chapter of Habitat for Humanity.
But others are focused on the future of the campus space. Members of the local clergy have suggested that Brown move forward on the construction of the temporary facility and fill the pool with holy water in order to ward off any evil spirits.
Dean Bergeron has suggested enlisting the services of local Pilgrims to ward off any Native American spirits who remain beneath the new swim center, but rescinded her comment when her Steering Committee on Supernatural Interferences with Swim Centers determined that "both Indians and Pilgrims are not real."
