Partly Cloudy, 64°
A true tragedy of capitalistic excess is taking place on Brown's campus. While students wander to their classes unencumbered with worry, the story is quite a different one for Brown's library workers. Or, it's the same story. I'm not sure.
Either way, the story of the library workers definitely has to do with money. Yes. They're definitely making too much money. Students would be unhappy about that, right? Nobody wants to get outspent by library workers.
Wait. Not enough money also makes sense. The library workers being underpaid would be another scenario that might annoy some students. All right, but we can safely rule out the thought that the library workers are unhappy and/or happy because they're making just the right amount of money. That one makes no sense whatsoever. Or all the sense in the world. I don't know; I haven't been paying much attention.
"Yeah, some protesters handed me a flier as I left class in Wilson," said Kelsey Haight (or Haught? Hayte? I don't know, I didn't ask) '13. "The first line was 'Fight for the library workers!' Then it said something about money, then 'Do what's right!' I wish it had elaborated and told me what was right. There was a website, and I had 7 free hours to check it out, but I just went Sporcle and then fell asleep."
While ignoring the exact details of the library worker story, or even the very general details, Brown students are definitively up in arms over the workers' financial plight. Or throwing their arms up in celebration about their unexpected financial boon. I mean, there … there are definitely a ton of arms up in the air, either in an angry way or in a happy way.
"We won't rest until we get what we want!" exclaimed Jeff Robinson '12. (or Rebecca Robinson '14; he/she had super long hair, and the last name was definitely Robinson. Or Kensington.) "And what we want is complete equality!" he/she continued. "Or total inequality! Frankly, I just want people to look at me. Look at me! I'm being loud! I'm interrupting your classes!"
The campaign for library worker money whatever has produced a series of informative posters littered across campus. After examining the posters, it becomes clear that the workers have families/human faces. It is still unclear, however, whether they want to obtain more money or want to give their excess money away to whoever responds to the fliers.
"Look, the facts are there," said Monica Williamson, mother of three and card swiper at the Rock. "We want to keep working here, but we need a new contract if that's going to happen," Williamson continued, finally confirming what the hell this protesting was even about.
"Or wait," Williamson finished, "maybe we want an old contract. I don't know. Contract is definitely a word that I've heard before."
