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William Grodin shocked the scientific community last Wednesday by announcing a new view of our solar system. Called Grodin's Model, it postulates that the planets are all composed of polystyrene, and thus, have the same density.
To account for apparent discrepancies, Grodin has moved the planets closer together, and dispensed with Kepler's elliptical orbits in favor of circular ones.
"This is Earth-shaking news," said Dr. Meredith Lentil of the Phoebus Institute. "This is as big a paradigm shift as the Copernican model. The gas giants are much smaller and much closer than we thought. This changes everything."
Indeed it does. The Bush administration has renewed its efforts to land on the much closer, more Earth-like Mars. The intelligent design movement has also lapped it up.
"I have no idea why you're talking to me. I'm a biochemist," remarked Michael Behe.
"The odds that all planets in our system are make of polystyrene, and that earth is also inhabitable, are simply infinitesimal. The only conclusion is that our system was designed," added William Dembski.
Like all great discoveries, the Grodin model is not without its detractors. Andy Ptak at NASA stated, "This is absolutely preposterous. The only way Grodin's equations work out is if you change the cosmological constants and use a grab bag of Aristotelian and Newtonian physics. And just what are all these turtles standing on?"
"I made the model last week," said the 8-year-old prodigy, Grodin. "I wanted to use candy, but that would melt too easily."
For his contribution to astronomy, Grodin won the coveted Our Lady of Rope Science Fair Award. Other nominations included Ignatius Koopa's "This is a Volcano," Paula Zindel's "The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds," and Maria Plumber's "All Toasters Toast Toast."
