Claire's articles
A throng of argyle-clad Brown Croquet Club members descended on the Main Green with mallets, croquet balls, and ample pompousness last Thursday. In so doing, they displaced scantily clad sunbathers, confused tour groups, and ignited a firestorm of controversy.
In a move combining the semantic flourish of the United States military and the solemn secrecy of an ancient mystery cult, the Ratty is instituting a policy aimed at keeping the already dubious origins of its many dining options firmly in the food closet.
"Don't get me wrong," said BUDS director David Samuelson.
On April 5, the Bruin Club ousted British tour guide Percival Stuart '09 for conducting a campus tour almost completely in Cockney rhyming slang.
The tour guides had "Barney Rubble" distinguishing between the rhyming and the frankly stupid monikers that Brown students give to familiar campus landmarks and buildings.
William Grodin shocked the scientific community last Wednesday by announcing a new view of our solar system. Called Grodin's Model, it postulates that the planets are all composed of polystyrene, and thus, have the same density.
To account for apparent discrepancies, Grodin has moved the planets closer together, and dispensed with Kepler's elliptical orbits in favor of circular ones.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
