Partly Cloudy, 64°
Late winter is the perfect season to experience the full ambiance of Perkins Hall. Nestled in the picturesque Providence outskirts between the Quiznos and green dumpster on Power Street, Perkins is the ideal locale for any adventurer to discover an area that has been equated to both the Badlands National Park and the Third World. Toxic gases, potholes, and debris are just a few of the features of this unparalleled ecosystem. The smallest and most remote residency in the world, Perkins Hall is often regarded as a time capsule of Brown history.
With a native population of 300 and a small size of 187 square feet (not including the sacred burial grounds and morgue), Perkins is a place that one can only attempt to think about without experiencing what locals call "psychotic isolation."
The native community is a diverse one and, as such, a fascinating one. Students on academic probation, unlucky freshman, and those that forgot to turn in their housing requests are only a few of the inhabitants.
Getting there can be difficult, especially in season. It is impossible to fly there due to the pollution-created cloud cover. Most people drive up Interstate 195 but the terrain is tricky, so be sure to leave the sick, children, and elderly behind. Others attempt to walk there, but the 40-day journey can be treacherous. Either mode, it is highly recommended to include a knife, crossbow, night vision goggles, bug repellent, and garlic on your packing list.
To the delight of Perkins travelers old and new, new amenities have been installed. Windows, doors, and turndown chocolates are some recent additions. Also, the wildebeest problem has finally been resolved. An experienced traveler's tip: as a compensation for the lack of plumbing and electricity, ask for a discount.
One of the great advantages of Perkins is the sightseeing and day trip opportunities. Within range of the base facility are Orwig and T.F. Green, two music department facilities. Day trips leave at 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. Monday to Friday. Tip: Book in advance as these trips fill up quickly!
Nightlife at Perkins is also on the rise. The dorm just got a brand new backgammon board for the central lounge, and residents report that though the board is missing three pieces, there is generally a long wait. Tip: Try and get there early.
"I love Perkins! Though it was a bit tough at first without the food, water, or heating, the first floor ants certainly compensated. Getting blankets last week is pretty cool, too," said traveler Noah Landberg.
Last tip: Be optimistic and enjoy! A trip to Perkins could be the time of your life.
