Partly Cloudy, 64°
What's that? How did I know what a Spicy With was? I know a lot of stuff, Marilyn.
Oh, hey. Didn't see you there. Yes, I don't have eyes. Astute observation. You sure
are a sharp one.
Anyhow, yeah, I am in some pretty big piles right in the middle of the sidewalk.
Thanks for noticing. And you know what? I think I'm gonna stay that way for a
while.
You know why? Because I'm snow. And it's winter. And that's literally all I do. You
don't like it? I've got a list of several other states that I never visit. Most of those
have colleges, too (Idaho not included). So don't pin this one on me, dipshit.
All right, I guess I'll slow it down a little. See if you can keep up. You see, the world
has four seasons. And this one is called winter. I hate to break it to you, but
winter? That's the really cold season. And if you're not a fan, there are three other
completely different and unique seasons.
But only one of those seasons kicks ass, and that's this one, so suck it. And this one?
This one's mine, baby. You can have the other three. Do whatever you want. Play
tennis. Lounge on the grass. Go sledding.
Oh, wait, hold on a second. You can't go sledding in any of the other seasons,
because that's also my thing. What's that? You like to go sledding? Contradicting
ourselves now, aren't we? You can't pick sledding, and then not let me make my
piles. It's not like you get to go to Jo's and order a Spicy With, but then, when
Kim Jong Il wants chicken, you ban chicken. Chicken doesn't only exist when it's
convenient for you.
But back to you being you being a whiny, over-priveleged snot. "Oh, no, it's too cold!
My dorm is too far away from my comparative literature class, and there's ice on the
sidewalk!" Your super-warm dorm room is slightly too far for your stubby little legs?
Poor you. You know who would like to live in your room? Homeless people. And I
would also like that. Because right now they're all crashing at my place.
So, in summation. Me: here for the long haul. You: Super terrible. The
rapper "Snow"? Also awful and not the original snow.
Got any other questions? Yes, it is fun to be made of flakes. No, I don't watch Jersey
Shore. No, damn it, I will not melt for you! What don't you understand? What's in it
for me? Little Susie Legacy slipped one time, so as a recourse, I should die forever?
Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. So if it's all the same to you, I'm just gonna
stick around. If you ever need me, I'll be on the ground everywhere. But if you see
something that looks like me, but it's in a bag and not cold, that's cocaine.
