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The Brown Noser

Arts & Culture (Feb 07 2025 issue)

Oscars Finally Ready To Award Movie About Trans Experience Because It Directed By Straight Cis White French Man | Feb 07 2025

Sources within the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences report that they are finally ready to award a film about the transgender experience, Emilia Pérez, because it is directed by a straight, cisgender, and white French man. “The Academy has never been as progressive as it is right now,” said president Janet Yang before announcing the all white and almost all male Best Director nominations.

“The Sex Lives Of College Girls” Pretty Accurate Depiction Of Elite New England Colleges, Aside From Whole Sex Lives Part | Feb 07 2025

Sources report that the television series “The Sex Lives Of College Girls” is a remarkably accurate depiction of elite New England colleges, aside from the whole sex lives part. “It’s crazy — it’s like watching my life play out on screen,” stated sophomore Campbell Reed, who certainly has not encountered the same type of men on Brown’s campus that Kimberly Finkle has been hooking up with throughout the show.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s 11 Emmy Awards Destroyed In Palisades Fire Along With Normal People’s Homes Or Whatever | Feb 07 2025

Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s 11 Emmys were brutally destroyed in the Palisade fire, and other people probably went through things too. “So many were affected by the fires,” said CNN correspondent Maya Norton, referring to the countless Emmy, Oscar, and Grammy awards now missing from their ornate shelves.

Impractical Jokers “Go Too Far” When Murr Is Commanded To Vigorously Shake Baby | Feb 07 2025

Even the most die-hard Impractical Jokers fans felt that the four TV comedians had “gone too far” when Tonight’s Big Loser James “Murr” Murray was commanded to grab a newborn and shake it as violently as possible. “We really don’t see the problem,” said Impractical Joker Sal Vulcano moments after using an invisible earpiece to command Murr to take a baby out of its crib and shake it as hard as possible in front of a crowd.

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