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The Brown Noser

Report: Biden Campaign Financed Almost Entirely By Crest Whitestrips

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

According to a recent campaign donor report, Joe Biden's presidential campaign is almost entirely financed by Crest Whitestrips.

"Joe's teeth are so white that Crest is practically bankrolling our campaign at this point," admitted Greg Schultz, Biden's campaign manager. "Every time he appears on TV is a promotional event for Crest Whitestrips, so we have their full financial backing."

According to the agreement between Crest and the Biden campaign, every time the former Vice President flashes a wide grin at a camera, the company donates $10,000 to support his run for President. "He basically works a second job as a Crest brand ambassador out on the campaign trail," Schultz explained.

While the Biden campaign has struggled to maintain the candidate's frontrunner position, Crest's Biden-centered marketing campaign has already raised the company's brand recognition. “I don’t agree with his platform, but I will say that his teeth are so, so white,” reported one voter. "How does he get them like that? Is he using Crest?"

At press time, the Biden campaign was in talks for a partnership with Invisalign.

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