Acquaintances Ira Lehman and Peter Liu have revealed that their annual “Happy Birthday” text to each other is just a battle to see who will kick the bucket first.

“Sure, we don’t talk much otherwise and haven’t been in the same state in years, but I’m always excited to wish Peter a happy birthday in hopes that it will be the last time I ever have to do it,” said Ira, sighing heavily upon receiving a “Thank you!” response from Peter. “Well, there’s always next year."

“A lot of people say it’s silly to have no communication beyond wishing each other a happy birthday twice a year, but when the day finally comes that my text gets no response and I know I outlived this guy I used to have a class with, it will all be worth it,” Peter added. “Otherwise he could die and I might not know about it for months!”

At press time, Ira was found asking old friends how work was in hopes they had been fired.

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