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Reports indicate that young Lukas Stoltzfus on Rumspringa, a period of freedom from the strict Amish society constraints of their religion, wants to try methamphetamine.
“I am so very grateful that the elders in our community allow us to break free from the confines of our community briefly to see what this outer world is all about. I have heard a lot of things about this society,” stated 17-year-old Lukas Stoltzfus, who still has not been taught what sex is. “I am so curious about methamphetamine. I really want to try it.”
“I think it is exciting to try different things. I heard Esther even shaved her legs. Slut!” continued Stoltzfus who has been asking around for a drug dealer who would take churned butter or barn building as currency. “I don’t want to do too much, I’ll be pretty tame. I am just curious about trying something called methamphetamine.”
At press time, Jamestown cult members are really excited to try out this new koolaid.
