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The Brown Noser

Asteroid Breathes Sigh Of Relief Having Narrowly Avoided Earth

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Asteroid 52768 (1998 OR2) breathed a sigh of relief this week, having narrowly avoided the planet Earth. The interstellar object expressed relief at avoiding the war-torn, virus-ridden, environmentally unstable planet, and was glad to continue its journey into the dark abyss of space.

“That was way too close for comfort,” the asteroid said, still nervous after passing near the earth. “There’s no telling what kind of damage a collision with a horrific planet like that could do to me.”

“When I heard that scientists on Earth were predicting I might collide with them, I was stressed and paranoid for weeks,” continued the asteroid. "But now, knowing that I no longer run the risk of encountering that absolute shithole of a planet, I can breathe easy!”

“I know that I could’ve have landed in a desert, or even the ocean, which would’ve erased some of the risks,” the asteroid explained. “Though there’s a chance I would’ve encountered intelligent life, overall it’s just way too hazardous to risk coming into contact with the surface of earth.”

Asteroid 52768’s new trajectory has it on-track to collide with the Sun by January 2021, causing further expressions of relief from both astronomers and the asteroid alike.

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