“We’re supposed to be a team guys, we gotta get behind each other!” exclaimed an exasperated McPatts, boxing out for a rebound in the hopes that one of the opposing players accidentally slaps his butt in the process. “There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there’s an ‘ass’ in assist!”

Small forward Keith McPatts was reportedly torn up after receiving no ass
slaps after making an amazing no-look pass.

“C’mon man, really? Nothing?” complained McPatts, watching sorrowfully as
his teammates ran back down the court instead of delivering a nice, hard slap to his posterior. “That was the coolest fucking
thing I’ve done in my life! You can’t show me even a little love?”

At press time, advanced stats showed that McPatts ranked dead last in per-36
hand-to-booty efficency.

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