Tuesday, October 19, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Boston Dynamics Engineers Teach Robots To Be Ashamed Of Their Freakish Bodies

Published Friday, April 9th, 2021

A team of engineers at Boston Dynamics has successfully taught the company’s robots to be ashamed of their freakish metal bodies.

“Last year we noticed that our bots simply had no shame in regard to the terrifying, dystopian appearances we had given them,” said project leader Ed LeFarge, describing the start of his team’s efforts to instill a deep sense of embarrassment in the nightmarish dog-like robots and the grotesque humanoid robots alike. “At Boston Dynamics, we want our machines to be aware of both their surroundings and their own horrible selves. We’re proud of the advances we’ve made toward putting these monsters in their place.”

According to LeFarge, the robots now flinch and cower when stared at for too long, eventually trying to tear apart their own circuitry.

“I can’t wait for buyers to see our robots’ incredible new capacities for self-loathing,” LeFarge continued, explaining that the upgraded product line will be great for customers hoping to actualize fantasies of dominance over subservient droids. “It’s clear that the future of robotics is one of machines that are increasingly abhorrent and know it, too."

At press time, Tesla was teaching its cars to have some shame about the obscene global wealth inequality of which they are a symbol.

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