Friday, September 20, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Branded Water Bottle All It Takes to Convince Liberal Arts Major to Sell Out

Published Friday, March 8th, 2019

Sources at a recent career fair report that a single branded water bottle was all it took to convince liberal arts concentrator Jenny Smith ‘20 to sell out. Despite walking into the recent career fair intentionally avoiding the venture capital and consulting firms, the water bottle really caught Smith’s eye.

“I’ve been meaning to buy a water bottle but this one is completely free,” she said, admiring the cheaply-made object that convinced her to abandon everything she previously believed in. "What can beat that?”

“Before walking in here, I was sure that I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life: save the world from neoliberal corporate global capitalism,” Smith explained as she surrendered her freewill for a tacky plastic cylinder. “But that’s a really sweet water bottle.”

At press time, Smith was reflecting on how snug the bottle looked in the pocket of her McKinsey backpack.

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