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The Brown Noser

Brown Construction Workers Report Disappointing Lack Of Bones

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

Construction workers across Brown reported that they have found a disappointing lack of bones in their various projects across campus.

“I spend my entire day using an excavator to dig a giant hole in the middle of campus,” said construction worker Mick Plorbinski. “I hoped that in the process of moving all that dirt I would come across at least one mangled skeletal remain but so far there’s been nothing.”

“Last week, I helped install pipes under Keeney Quad,” continued Plorbinski. “But I didn’t find a single bone! I would’ve expected to at least find a cracked femur or even a loose rib at this point. It’s quite disappointing.”

“When we started construction on the new dorms across from the Nelson I thought we might find a tomb or ancient burial ground or something,” added Plorbinski. “But so far all we’ve managed to find is a rock that looked like a skull and some sticks that looked like broken fingers.”

At press time, Brown construction workers reported an overwhelming amount of dirt.

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