Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources confirm that Brown’s Crossword Club is as pointless as many had imagined.
“I think we only have meetings on Mondays, but I’m here every day because that’s how beautiful and valuable the club is. I even forgot it was a club. I was starting to see it as a lifestyle,” said long-time member Josh Lee ‘25, blissfully ignoring the fact that the club has zero practical implications and will look like a quirky footnote on his resume. “So maybe I won’t graduate on time, but at least I can understand obscure references to 18th-century English poets, and you can’t put a price on that.”
“People have accomplished so much in this club, like, uh… progressing from the Monday level to the Tuesday level. One year, someone even solved a Wednesday,” beamed self-appointed president Marcus Feldman ’27 while pointing to the frame on the wall of a pale, sleep-deprived boy grinning while shakily holding an illegible, sweat-drenched puzzle. “It’s mentally rigorous, stimulating, and honestly way harder than it looks. Not everyone can handle it. It takes a special kind of person.”
At press time, the club remained stumped trying to figure out a five-letter word starting with “LOS” and ending with “ER.”
