Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Clementine Trash's Holiday Tips

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

You’re going to be invited to a lot of holiday parties. Never go over someone’s house empty handed. And never leave empty handed, either. Scan the house, identify what you think they wouldn’t notice is missing, and then take your pick!

Try not to do your shopping too last minute. Make sure to plan ahead and choose a time when you know store traffic will be high. That way any security guards won’t see you sneaking that diamond necklace into your purse. Don’t forget that you deserve a present too!

There’s nothing like sitting by the fire on a cold winter’s night. And since so many people are making fires this time of year, the smoke from the chimney won’t draw anyone’s attention. This is the perfect time to burn whatever it is you’ve been meaning to destroy. Tis the season to leave no trace!

You’re going to be spending a lot of time with elderly members of your family. See if you can convince them to alter their wills why you’re with them. But don’t get too greedy, if other family members catch on they can sue!

Hosting a holiday party? Allocate a bedroom to be the “coat and bag” room. It removes clutter and it makes it easy to find your guests’ credit cards. Copy down their info and put the cards back so they don’t find out!

Treat yourself to a good pair of snow boots. Pretty soon, the ground’s going to be covered in ice. You’re really going to need some traction for any digs you’re going to need to do. And since you’re going to be outside for so long during those digs, maybe check out some fleece-lined boots. So cozy!

Oooooh and snow actually tastes pretty good. Eat up!

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